29 7 / 2014
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
27 7 / 2014
27 7 / 2014
20 7 / 2014
These are the most NSFW asks I have ever seen. Obliterate me.
- 1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?
- 2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated.
- 3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated?
- 4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals?
- 5. Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation?
- 6. Can you touch your clitoris directly, or does that hurt?
- 7. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?
- 8. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?
- 9. Do you like having your balls touched?
- 10. Do you like having your nipples touched?
- 11. Do you like having your anus touched?
- 12. Have you ever been fisted (anally or vaginally)?
- 13. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?
- 14. Do you have any kinks?
- 15. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?
- 16. Do you pee in the shower?
- 17. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?
- 18. Have you had sex in the shower?
- 19. Do you like being naked?
- 20. Do you sleep partially/fully naked?
- 21. Have you ever skinny dipped?
- 22. What's the most unusual thing you've done nude?
- 23. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity?
- 24. Are you comfortable being seen partially/fully naked by family or friends (i.e. getting dressed, etc.)?
- 25. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?
- 26. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?
- 27. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?
- 28. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?
- 29. How many sexual partners have you had?
- 30. How often do you masturbate?
- 31. Age you started masturbating? How did you discover/learn about it?
- 32. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?
- 33. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.
- 34. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?
- 35. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?
- 36. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?
- 37. Have you ever "compared" (genitals, breasts, whatever) with a friend?
- 38. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?
- 39. Do you ever go commando?
- 40. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?
- 41. How big is your penis?
- 42. Does your penis curve at all?
- 43. Which testicle hangs lower?
- 44. How big are your breasts?
- 45. Do you long or short labia? Are they even or uneven?
- 46. Do you have a particularly large or tiny clitoris?
- 47. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it?
- 48. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don't care?
- 49. What are you more into (or like more about yourself), boobs or butts?
- 50. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way?
- 51. Do you like the way your genitals look?
- 52. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?
- 53. Do you like your butt?
- 54. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?
- 55. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?
- 56. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed?
- 57. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?
- 58. What is the quickest you've ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?
- 59. Do you ever "edge" (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?
- 60. What's the longest masturbation session you've had? Longest sex session?
- 61. What's the most orgasms you've had in one session (of anything)?
- 62. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?
- 63. Spit or swallow?
- 64. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble?
- 65. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on?
- 66. Do you "squirt?"
- 67. Have you ever attempted (or succeeded) to give yourself oral?
- 68. Have you ever given/received a footjob, boobjob, etc.?
- 69. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
- 70. Have you ever had sex in a bed/on a couch that didn't belong to either of you?
- 71. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you?
- 72. How many rooms of your house/apartment/etc. have you had sex in?
- 73. Strangest/most unique place you've had sex? How about masturbated?
- 74. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?
- 75. Are you particularly "vocal" when masturbating/having sex?
- 76. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?
- 77. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)?
- 78. Do you own any sex toys?
- 79. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?
- 80. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis (assuming the person with the penis is good at what they do)?
- 81. What are your favorite positions?
- 82. Your most embarrassing sexual experience?
- 83. Worst place/time you've ever gotten a boner?
- 84. Have you ever had any genital injuries?
- 85. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?
- 86. Have you ever had a non-sexually transmitted genital infection (yeast infection, etc)?
- 87. If you lack a penis, have you ever tried to pee standing up?
- 88. If you lack a penis, how familiar are you with how you look down there?
- 89. Do you think you're "good" at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement?
- 90. Have you "sexted" (whether through text messaging or IM chat)?
- 91. Have you masturbated for or with someone via webcam?
- 92. Have you have phone sex?
- 93. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.
- 94. What's something you like about your body?
- 95. What's something you dislike about your body?
- 96. What body parts do you find the sexiest?
- 97. What was your most recent sexual thought?
- 98. Do you ever just play with your boobs, penis, labia, etc.?
- 99. When was the last time you touched your genitals?
- 100. Do you often imagine people naked?
20 7 / 2014
i want a relationship but i want them to be like a friend to me, i dont want the relationship to be all about kissing, making out and sex i just wanna hang out with them, and go places, and just have fun wherever we go
20 7 / 2014
19 7 / 2014
18 7 / 2014
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do."
18 7 / 2014
you’re so cute I just wanna hug you and kiss you and cuddle with you and also fuck you but hey man it’s whatever
18 7 / 2014